THE KITCHEN OF MADNESS

One ordinary morning (well not so ordinary) on the Light Side of the Kitchen of Madness, there were four tasty, but unhealthy foods.  One of them was a very cool pretzel M&M, Ethan. There was also Jereld, who was a very fancy jellybean.  They had a good friend called Brock, a block of cheese who lived in the fridge. And in the far corner of the counter, sitting on a napkin, was Bubber, a chewed up piece of gum.

But on the Dark Side of the kitchen, “moooohahahahaha”, there were the bad guys; Handy-Man, the captain, shredder the blender, Slice-Dice the knife and Stabsters the fork and finally Devourer the trash can. These two groups did not get along.

The group on the Dark Side thought that Ethan was bossy, Jereld was a snob, Bubber was disgusting and Brock was lazy.  The group on the Light side thought that Shredder was noisy, Slice-Dice and Stabsters were bullies, Devourer was stinky and Handy-Man was always hungry.

One ordinary evening, (well, not so ordinary), Handy-Man came home from work and after watching the hockey game, he went into the kitchen for a midnight snack. He opened the fridge door and reached for the cheese when he felt something pinch his finger.

“Whoa! Did that cheese just bite me?”

Handy-Man backed up slowly, opened a drawer and took out Stabsters and Slice-Dice. He poked the fork into the cheese and put it on a plate. He started to cut himself a piece when all of a sudden, he heard a voice.

“Hey Fatty -  don’t hurt my friend Brock!”

“Who said that?” asked Handy-Man.

“I did.”

Handy-Man flicked on the overhead light. From out of the shadows on the counter, he saw a red pretzel M&M.

“Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” asked Ethan.

“Don’t talk to the captain like that!” growled Devourer.

 “Why should we listen to you? You stink!”

“Oh, yeah? Well you’re a little show-off!”

“You should talk. You never shut your noisy trap,” mumbled Bubber.

“You’re just a chewed up has-been,” said Slice Dice and Stabster in unison.

Handy-Man put his fingers in his mouth and whistled.

“Hellooooooooooooo. What the heck is going on in here?”

Handy-Man flung open the fridge door. The door hit the counter and banged him in the arm.

“Holey crumpets, that hurt! Now I’m really mad and I’m really, REALLY, hungry!”

Handy Man started grabbing things from the shelves.  He pulled out some yogurt, a carton of eggs, a basket of strawberries, a package of bacon, mustard, ketchup, butter, eggnog, water, six hotdogs, a jar of olives and a mouldy slice of cake. He stared at the food on the counter, rubbing his hands together.

“Aha! he said.  “I’ll make a smoothie – a not so ordinary smoothie....”

While Handy-Man took all the ingredients and stuffed them into Shredder, Ethan, Bubber and Jereld looked for a place to hide. Handy-Man put the lid on the blender and pushed the button.

“Moooooohahhahhahah!”

He turned off the blender, took a big gulp of his creation and choked.

“Hmmmm, something’s missing.”

He turned to Ethan, Jereld and Bubber and looked at them with an evil grin. He plucked them off the counter and plopped them into Shredder. He pushed the button again. There was a horrible clanking sound, then silence.

“I think something’s jammed.”

Handy-Man picked up Stabsters and Slice-Dice and tried to un-jam the smoothie. All of a sudden, Shredder began to shake and make funny noises.

“I think I’m going to blow!”

Sparks shot out from behind the blender and smoke filled the kitchen. Handy-Man grabbed Shredder and ran towards Devourer.

“Fire in the hole!” Handy-Man yelled and he tossed Shredder into the garbage can.

KERPOW!!

There was a big explosion and an even bigger mess.

When Handy-Man woke up, he was in the hospital attached to machines that blinked and beeped.

“Where am I? What happened?”

He looked down and saw his covered food tray. His stomach growled and Handy-Man lifted the lid. On the plate there was a piece of ordinary cheese.

“Helloooooooo, Handy-Man!” said Brock.

Well, maybe not so ordinary......

The End